it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
