I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
