Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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