there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
