I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
