i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
