Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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