i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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