evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
