we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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