I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
