please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize