Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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