Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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