and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
