sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
