I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
