you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
