Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
