Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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