oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
