I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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