Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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