From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
