Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
