The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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