Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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