She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Boobs are out for the taking
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
