Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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