Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have fence marks all over my body
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
