I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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