I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was like getting head from an anaconda
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
