if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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