well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
