mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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