I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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