omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
