I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
