me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
