Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
