I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
