i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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