There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
