So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
