I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
