Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
