My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
