Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
