You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
