Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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